Leaving Nothing to Chance: How do I love thee...

Cole is now 2 weeks and 4 days old. Yet, I feel like I have known him forever, like he has never not been with us. They say that is what it is like when you have children and I now can vouch for that on my own. He has changed our lives and we will never, ever be the same. I can stare at Cole all day long and still be amazed that God blessed us with this sweet, sweet baby. He is beautiful and he is more than I ever dreamed he would be. I remember when I was pregnant (not too long ago... :) )that Jon and I would wonder what he would be like, what he would look like. And I never could have dreamed or imagined how perfect he would be. I sometimes stare at him and tears fill my eyes, this baby is such a miracle for us, such a blessing from God. Motherhood does change you, you love like you never knew that you could and you love someone so instantly that you cannot quite believe it yourself. I dream big dreams for Cole already, I worry for him already, I want to protect him from this world and always be his mommy.

Now, let me start with Cole’s birth story...we went to the doctor on 2/2/11 to see how everything was going. Cole had STILL not dropped and there was no progress in any way. So, my doctor sent me off for another ultrasound to see what his weight was. Well...this time he was off the charts. The calculation couldn’t even calculate his weight because his tummy was so big. I told them I enjoyed eating and so did he :) The last couple of months we lived on brownies and steaks and potatoes :) They estimated him at being between 10 and 11 pounds. NO way, right. Jon and I were both 8 pound babies, there was no way we were having an 11 pound baby. But, my doctor still suggested the c-section. I was terrified and even started to tear up as I watched the ultrasound, I knew what the doctor was going to suggest and I was scared to death. We went back and talked to the doctor and asked all of our questions. He wanted what was best for us and for Cole, so we put our trust in him and planned for Cole to come on Friday, February 4, 2011 at 7:30 am. I wasn’t sure if I was relieved or not by having a c-section, I wouldn’t have to go through labor or pushing for hours on end and chances were that Cole was just too big for me to deliver, even if I had tried he probably would’ve ended up a c-section anyway. So, we left the doctors office, called our families and then Jon and I went and got a pedicure :) We both really enjoyed it and it helped calm me down a little bit. I even got mine painted blue for boy.

We went home and packed our bags again (by the way we packed WAY too much and have learned our lesson for next time). We ran errands on Thursday and did my pre-op. Thursday night my entire family (minus Jason) came down for dinner at Longhorn ( I told you steak and potatoes...) it was so special to me. It was a celebration of what was to come. Thursday night was weird for us, we couldn’t believe that Cole was going to be here so soon. We got our sleep and had to be at the hospital by 5:30 am.

Here I am before we left for the hospital with my other kids

There was a 10 pound baby in there!!!!!!!!

It is still so surreal to think about. I know that I did it, I had the surgery but it feels like it was years ago. But it wasn’t even 3 weeks ago. We got there and got checked in, got my IV and then we waited. Both sets of parents came to see us while we waited and then at about 7am they wheeled me to the OR. Jon had to wait outside so I could get prepped and get my spinal. The nurses and doctors that were there that morning were so nice and so reassuring. The spinal wasn’t bad at all, I barely felt anything. I got back on the table and felt so weird...every breath felt strange and I started to panic. Then when they strapped my arms down I really started to panic. Again they reassured me, told me Cole would be here soon and that Jon was on his way in. The surgery wasn’t that bad, I really shouldn’t have been so afraid. Jon looked more scared than I felt. I think it was the table shaking as they tried to get Cole out. He was so far up in my ribs that it took the doctors 2 pushes to get him out. I loved hearing him cry for the first time and it made me cry and Jon cry. Jon got to go see him and he told me he was beautiful, that he had lots of hair and that he had his chin. They also talked about how big he was, I couldn’t wait to hear how much he weighed and I couldn’t wait to see him. It was so hard to wait. They finally brought him by so I could see him. He was beautiful and he had tons of hair!!!

Well, he ended up weighing 10 pounds and 4 ounces and was 20.5 inches long. So, the doctor was right, he was a big baby. There was no way I could’ve delivered him naturally. Thank goodness we listened to the doctor!!!! Cole also had low blood sugar at birth, which lots of big babies do. They had to check him after every feeding to make sure his blood sugar was going up and by midnight that night his blood sugar had gone up and stayed up. After that Cole continued to do great. I however, did not. I lost a lot of blood in the surgery and had to have 2 blood transfusions on Saturday. So, I had to stay in bed for almost 48 hours without being able to get up. It was horrible!! By Saturday night they got me up and let me sit in a chair and go to the bathroom. It was so nice to finally get up and move around even though I was really sore. By Monday we were ready to leave the hospital...Sunday night they moved us to a smaller room because the wing we had been in was closing since we were the last people over there. It was a tiny room and we could hear everyone around us. I barely slept and was just so ready to be home. Monday morning they tested Cole again for jaundice and it turns out he had a touch of it. But, thank goodness we could still go home. We left at about 3:30 and it was cold and rainy.

Me and Cole (a horrible picture but really the only one that was taken in the hospital)

We have been doing great here adjusting to our new life. My mom stayed with us off and on for 2 weeks. She went home over the weekend but came back on Sunday night. I am so glad and grateful that she was able to help us. It was such a blessing. Cole has been doing great, he is back up to birth weight and the jaundice finally went away. I am healing pretty well, I was doing really well and then felt very sick the other night. My doctor gave me some new pain medication and I have been doing much better. I will write more later about the last couple of weeks but I will leave you with some pictures now :)

In our bed one morning after we had gotten up, I love the milk on his face :)