Breaking Free...

As I mentioned in an earlier post Jon and I made several resolutions/goals/dreams for 2009. There are many of them that I really want to accomplish this year. I was telling Jon today that this year just feels like my year. For those of you who do not really know me do not know that I am often crippled by my fears. I have been studying a lot lately and read a book recently about believing God; which I do believe in God but my fears often get in the way of that. Someone told me several years ago that fear is the opposite of faith; and I will never forget that. It truly stuck with me because I often let my fears get the best of me. I had two experiences this week regarding what to me is my biggest fear...flying. Now I have flown before, when I was 4 and then again when I was 6. We flew overseas to live in Sicily. I remember flying and the experience but I do no remember being afraid. I remember sitting by the window on the plane and being totally at ease. Well, as I have gotten older fears have defiinitely gotten the best of me and then 9/11 really got me. I refused to fly anywhere for our honeymoon and have refused to fly ever since. This might be the year that all that changes. So, back to my experiences... I was at work yesterday and I just started feeling like this was something I could do, something I would do this year. Jon and I love to travel, but we have always driven to where we want to go. Jon has never left the southeastern part of the country and I know he would love to see this country. I have been to the west coast and to the Pacific Northwest and have always wanted to go back but again been too afraid to.

Anyway, so I got this feeling that it would be alright and that God would take care of me no matter what. No matter what happened on that plane that I would be okay and that I could do it. I am so tired of being held in captivity of my fears, it is tiring to say the least and worst of all life continues to pass me by and I do not get to do the things I want to do because of my fears. That is unacceptable.

Then today as I was working out and listening to music it hit me again... I do not want to be enslaved by fears. It was very surreal, I felt like I could do anything. It is hard to explain... Anyway, I talked to Jon about it and told him my feelings on the issue. I want to do it. There are so many places in this beautiful world that I want to see and that I also want to show him. People fly every single day. This is my year that I plan on breaking free.

Yes, I am still terrified if I stop and dwell on it; and I will probably be terrified until I am safely back on the ground. But it is truly something that I feel like I can do and that I need to do. I can in fact do all things through Christ who strengthens me. We want to travel while we still are on our own and do not have kids, because once we have kids we know that it will definitely be harder to travel like this. So, please pray for me. I know it may seem silly to be so afraid of flying but it is really a struggle for me. If you know me then you know this. It is my biggest hurdle, and I want to finally conquer it. I really want this to work out. If we do get our chance to travel this year it will be later this year. Many things have to fall into place before we go, money for one and me getting over my fears and onto a plane is another. But, if any of you have any encouraging words or thoughts I would appreciate it.